I am going to tell anyone who cares how I am feeling today. I went to church today. It was a mess of mixed emotions. I felt good being there. I mean I felt good that I made it there, which doesn’t always happen.
In my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) Sunday services are divided into three meetings, each about one hour. The meetings are held back-to-back. I saw couples with arms around backs. This made me sad. I was thinking of how I used to have that situation when I was married, but don’t have it anymore. I know, I am not supposed to covet my neighbor’s wife, but I am not wishing for a particular woman, just to not be alone.
I still want to get to Japan. It is often on my mind. I was just listening to the Fresh Air Podcast. David Edelstein was talking about, “longing for something you can’t have”.
The thing is, I feel I am longing for something I can’t have or at least something I can’t have any time soon. It is not futile, but it feels so far off in the distance that it is almost invisible.
I was reading The Book of Mormon earlier in church. In Ether chapter 12, verse 6 it says:
“And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”
That really stuck me. This idea can be applied to more than just spiritual matters.
I want to go to Japan more than I want anything else. I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I should have faith that I will make it to Japan. “I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen;”
I hope to go to Japan, but I don’t see it happening.
“wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”
I will have a trial (maybe many trials) of my faith, of my belief that I will make it to Japan before I get there.
I applied that verse to my own personal situation. I feel better now. I wrote this rambling post. 🙂 I hadn’t written in a while and look what I did. 🙂
I have faith that I will get to Japan. 🙂
Patorikku's Japan 